When my immigrant parents sent my sister and me to school in the 80s and 90s, they entrusted us fully to the school and adhered to its policies, sometimes blindly. There were times that these policies benefitted us; other times, this may not have been the wisest decision. However, I do believe that my parents did their best with the knowledge they had at that time.
Fast-forward to today: many parents (both Canadian and from abroad) are educated and have experienced a school system, be it Canadian or internationally. While some people had positive experiences, others had negative ones. Today, parents ask more questions, make more requests, and seek personalized educational pathways that fit their child’s unique learning needs and goals more so than they ever have before.
So, which is better: a hands-off parent who lets the school navigate the student’s needs or a parent who micromanages their child’s educational experience?
In my opinion, there are pros and cons to both. There are three essential stakeholders in a child’s education: the school, the student, and the parent. In guidance departments across the country, counsellors work closely with students, staff and parent communities. Counsellors communicate via multiple platforms, including X, Instagram, email blasts, google classrooms and announcements. Presentations are offered to both students and posted for parents to view – everything from course selections to skilled trades, college and university pathway options. Many departments host evening fairs, invite guest speakers and hold information nights for students and parents to learn about post-secondary programming, mental health initiatives, Ministry of Education requirements, and more.
Schools provide programming, teachers, curricula, opportunities through departmental programs, extracurriculars, presentations, field trips and experiential learning. We require the student to engage with the education system and these opportunities as this will enhance their experience and assist them in pathway planning. The parent’s role is to listen and support their child’s interests, understand their abilities, participate in the school community and ask questions that will benefit their child.
In my 25 years as an educator, I have observed that students who benefit the most from high school have supportive parents/guardians and caring educators guiding them. These students are provided with information, lessons, opportunities, and autonomy to make decisions about their future. This includes choosing electives, pursuing pathways, exploring careers, participating in extra-curricular clubs/sports/activities, and applying to post-secondary institutions that align with their goals.
As guidance counsellors, we help students understand their pathway options and opportunities. We assist with mental health, post-secondary information and applications, navigating friendships and relationships, writing reference letters, sending final marks to colleges and universities, and support each individual learner with their plan. We do this because we are educators first and foremost.
Mentorship and guidance are essential for success at any age. Parents are their children’s first caring adult and teacher, guiding them and helping them make informed decisions. When questions or concerns arise about a child’s education, parents should reach out to the school for support and guidance. This collaborative effort between the school and the parent only benefits the student. Parents have a vested interest in their children’s health, wellbeing, and success. As educators and specifically, as guidance counsellors, we must communicate openly with our parent community, be transparent about the programs and opportunities we provide, and be available to answer questions about each learner. By doing so, we bridge the gap between parent, student and school and create positive relationships with students and our parent communities.
So, is the hands-off parent or the parent who micromanages better? The truth is, neither is ideal. Each child is different and responds to different parenting styles. In a family with 2 children, one may benefit from a parent who is hands-on and the other may thrive on their own. We need to meet in the middle to best support the needs of our students, each of whom is a unique learner with an individual plan. By doing this, we can support both types of parents in standing by their child/children in a loving and supportive way. Remember, the goal is to raise self-sufficient, resilient, pro-social young adults by giving them the tools they need to build a future for themselves; then teaching them how to use those tools. That is the job of the parent, the educator and the school. We must not use the tools for them. Our students deserve to build, reflect, change their mind, tear down and re-build, with loving parents and supportive educators not too far away, but far enough away to let them achieve this. Ultimately, the parent, educator and student have the same goal – a bright future for our youth! Let’s continue to work together to achieve this.
Author: Anna Macri
