Recently, a former colleague reached out to me with a question about best practices in school counselling. It turns out that this is a phrase that gets tossed around a lot at the school where she teaches. For instance, school counsellors often advise teachers on best practices for making learning accommodations for students managing mental health challenges. The phrase best practices carries a certain authority, suggesting that the methods in question are backed by research and proven to yield superior results compared to other approaches. When I refer to best practices in school counselling, I mean evidence-based interventions supported by research, grounded in ethical guidelines and professional standards, that incorporate cultural competence and a client-centered focus, and that are measurable in their outcomes. Best practices indeed!
My former colleague wanted to understand what best practice might look like for a school counsellor responding to the news that a student’s parent had just died. She teaches Grade 12 Geography and is a dynamo of a teacher—deeply involved in her students’ lives and well-acquainted with each of them. She also knows the limits of her role as a teacher and when it is necessary to involve a school counsellor. So, when she learned that one of her student’s mother had passed away a few days earlier, she immediately informed the school counsellor and asked them to check in on the student. She felt confident she had done the right thing, and I assured her that she had. But, she told me, nothing happened after that. The counsellor never met with the student. I asked for more details, and it turns out that the counsellor told my colleague that it was not best practice to pressure a student into talking if he did not want to. The counsellor explained that she had sent the student a text message, and he responded that he didn’t want to talk about it. Case closed. According to this counsellor, best practice was to leave him alone, give him space, and let him grieve—alone.
I was angry. I’m still angry as I write this. This behaviour is not best practice; it’s indefensible. And furthermore, to take on an air of authority when one calls neglect best practice is a misrepresentation and a disservice to the student. The essence of best practice in counselling is to balance respect for students’ autonomy with proactive care and support. Simply sending a text message and closing a case when a student declines service falls far short of a compassionate response and even further short of best practice. True best practice involves creating a supportive environment where a student feels safe, even if they initially resist. It requires consistent and gentle outreach, offering multiple avenues for students to seek support when they are ready. Ignoring a grieving student under the guise of giving them space only leaves them isolated. Best practice means being present and engaged. A compassionate and effective counsellor understands that grief can manifest in many ways and that the initial resistance a student might show is not an invitation to disengage, rather a call for more thoughtful, sensitive support. What could possibly lead a school counselor to believe that best practice involves taking no action at all?
My friend did some digging and learned that there had been a previous fallout between the school counsellor and the student in question. A few months earlier, the student had angrily told the counsellor that she didn’t understand him and demanded that she leave him alone. Understandably, the counsellor may have felt hurt by his words. However, her decision to distance herself from the student and take no action to address the rupture in their alliance is not best practice. Ruptures in the therapeutic alliance are common when working with adolescents, and resistance to connection with adults is often par for the course (Cirasola et al., 2023). Adolescence is marked by rapid developmental changes that impact physical, cognitive, emotional, and social dimensions (Vyas et al., 2015), and school counsellors need to be aware of the distinct developmental needs of their clients. During this volatile period, adolescents may struggle to engage in the therapeutic process and may distrust their counsellor if their goals are not aligned. Mistrust of the counselor is one of the most prevalent causes of ruptures (Cirasola et al., 2022). When an alliance rupture occurs, adolescents may withdraw, resist further engagement, refuse to attend sessions, avoid communication, and even express hostility. In this situation, the school counsellor allowed her own hurt feelings to influence her decision-making, leading her to disengage from a student who needed her support. This hands-off approach is likely to have exacerbated the rupture, leaving the student feeling abandoned and misunderstood. In cases like these, it is critical that counsellors recognize that their role extends beyond simply reacting to a student’s immediate behaviour. Rather, they must consider the broader context of the student’s life, including past trauma, current stressors, and developmental challenges of adolescence. So, what should a counselor do in this kind of situation?
Addressing an alliance rupture is not just about repairing the relationship; it is also about modelling healthy ways to manage conflict. By naming and addressing the rupture, a school counsellor can validate a student’s experience and open the door for meaningful discussion. This first step shows a student that their counsellor is attuned to them and willing to engage even when things get difficult. In this case, the alliance rupture may have stemmed from the student’s trauma history, and a reasonable pattern of mistrust in his life. Had the counsellor addressed the alliance rupture when it happened – or shortly afterward – she could have not only repaired the damage to the relationship but also facilitated deeper personal growth and healing for the student. This counsellor missed a critical opportunity to let the student share his perspective and explain the source of his discomfort. Her role her was to create a safe, non-judgmental space for this young man to express himself, and to work with him to uncover the underlying issues that contributed to the rupture. By listening to him, acknowledging any mistakes she may have made, and clarifying misunderstandings, this counsellor could have provided this youth with corrective relational experience. This kind of intervention is not just about fixing the immediate problem; it is about providing a new template for how relationships can be repaired, even after conflict or hurtful exchanges. Instead, the counsellor let her own hurt feelings guide her, leading her to withdraw and, unfortunately, confirming this young man’s feelings of distrust.
Ignoring or mishandling an alliance rupture can have serious consequences. If a student feels that their concerns have been dismissed or that the counsellor is not genuinely committed to their well-being, they may disengage entirely, as happened in this case. For this grieving student, the counsellor’s disengagement likely led to prolonged emotional suffering, extended difficulty coping with his loss, and could even increase the likelihood of future mental health struggles. By reinforcing his abandonment schema, this school counsellor failed her client and caused harm. This not only undermines the student’s trust in the counsellor but in the entire support system available at the school. When students feel let down by those who are supposed to help them, they may become reluctant to seek support in the future, even when they desperately need it. Taking ownership and working to repair an alliance rupture soon after it occurs is best practice; distancing oneself is not.
In conclusion, best practices is an expression that carries weight and should not be used lightly. Best practices represent a commitment to high standards of care, rooted in evidence-based interventions, ethical responsibility, and an understanding of the needs of our clients. When applied correctly, best practices ensure that our students receive the support they need, especially during challenging times such as the loss of a parent. However, when misused or misunderstood – as in the case of neglecting a grieving youth – invoking “best practices” can lead to harmful outcomes and undermine the very purpose of our work. True best practices involve taking a proactive and compassionate approach that prioritizes our clients’ well-being, respects their autonomy, and maintains the therapeutic alliance. It requires school counsellors to consistently reflect on their practice, seek supervision when necessary, and remain committed to the continuous improvement of their skills and approaches. Ultimately, school counsellors must recognize the profound impact of their choices and actions upon vulnerable minors and strive to embody true best practices to genuinely serve the best interests of their clients.
References
Cirasola, A., Martin, P., Fonagy, P., Eubanks, C., Muran, J. C., & Midgley, N. (2022). Alliance ruptures and resolutions in short-term psychoanalytic psychotherapy for adolescent depression: An empirical case study. Psychotherapy Research, 32(7), 951–968. https://doi.org/10.1080/10503307.2022.2061314
Cirasola, A., & Midgley, N. (2023). The alliance with young people: Where have we been, where are we going? Psychotherapy, 60(1), 110–118. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000461
Vyas, N. S., Birchwood, M., & Singh, S. P. (2015). Youth services: Meeting the mental health needs of adolescents. Irish Journal of Psychological Medicine, 32(1), 13–19. https://doi.org/10.1017/ipm.2014.73
By: Lisa Porter, CCC, former school counsellor, current Associate Director at City University M.Ed. School Counselling program
